People are always like “wow I’m so happy for you that you’re chasing your dreams, you’re doing such awesome things!”
But I honestly don’t feel like that at all, I just feel like this semi lost kid stumbling around the country with no real direction trying to figure out life by myself
I’m ashamed of myself because I know I should be better and I have no idea how to get there.
I tell you, struggle is what is missing in the lives of most young people today. If they think I’m going to support them while they create great works of art, then they’ve missed the point of my work, of my life! In the process of becoming a writer or an artist one has to be willing to starve. Struggle is the most invaluable experience of all. Suffering seems to be the inevitable fate of the creative sensitive types. Poverty, disease, death, unrequited love affairs, and disappointments of every sort fan the flame of the artistic spirit. The greatest works of art were not created by spoiled brats. They were born for the most part out of a sense of despair, and if not despair then just plain hard work. Somewhere along the line the artist learns the art of transformation.
I don’t want to fade away, I want to flame away - I want my death to be an attraction, a spectacle, a mystery. A work of art.
I hope that they know they’re gonna lose me soon because I’ve had enough of the choosing sides and the bullying and the constant feeling that I’m failing at everything. I’m so over it and I can’t wait to get out